by Beauticia
The decade’s over, let’s hope these beauty trends are too
During the noughties beauty products and treatments got better and better. The variety and options were limitless, yet many women – like moths to a flame – flittered toward beauty trends that only served to make them look plain ugly. Or ridiculous. Or in many cases, both.
Inspired by Fashion Jeannie’s take on the top 5 worst fashion trends (die Crocs, die!), here are my top 5 most heinous beauty trends in no particular order.
Tangerine tans
What the hell was that all about? There is nothing beautiful about looking like a giant orange with eyes and hair. I’m all for fake tan when it’s needed, but if the hue is heading towards Oompa Loompa territory, it’s time to HALT. Yet tanorexics (Posh, Jordan and a host of Hollywood starlets) proudly embraced the tangerine tan, sporting virtually radioactive skin tones). Hideous.
Bowling ball chests
I’ve been predicting the decline of the uber fake, two-bowling-balls-in-the-chest look for years. It was huge in the noughties (pun unintended, but it stays). Cantaloupe-shaped implants perched precariously on bony ribcages are plain ugly, horrifyingly unnatural, and women other than porn stars should avoid them like the plague. Even Victoria Beckham had hers removed after she realised – now that she’s working predominantly in fashion – it’s seriously déclassé. Nasty, nasty, nasty.
Nail art
Oh where to begin. Isn’t it hard enough to maintain a respectable looking manicure without having to worry about the integrity of your Hello Kitty appliqués? When nail art first hit the mainstream, I couldn’t imagine any self-respecting, fashion-interested woman putting their hands up for a festoon of little flowers, squiggles, or glued-on crystals. Although not a massive trend (thank god), I did see some very unlikely individuals sporting ten pinkies worth of nail “art” (cough cough), including doctors and other professionals. It’s really hard to take a gal seriously when her fingers are decorated like an under 5s bedroom. Cute for little girls, but for grown women? Tacky in the extreme.
The trout pout
And now we come to the ubiquitous Trout Pout. Ack.
The big lips trend has been in full-swing throughout the noughties, getting stronger by the year. There is hardly an untouched mouth in Hollywood it’s become so popular. Angelina Jolie’s luscious (and born-with-them lips) no doubt inspired many a thin-lipped girl to join the ranks of this unfortunate trend, but rather than adding a little volume to enhance natural contours, women over-stuffed their lips turning their faces into hideous cartoon-like parodies of female beauty. Again we see the influence of the porn industry shaping beauty ideals in the noughties. U-G-L-Y.
Chunky streaks
Oh how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. Chunky streaks are plain fugly. Fortunately, this little hair trend did not last long. Just long enough to stab me in the eyeballs. The likes of Christina Aguilera (in her slutty stage) and Kelly Clarkson of American Idol fame, sported variations of the chunky highlight look. Christina did the black and white skunk version, and Kelly went for a rainbow of neutrals. This look should be worn only by suburban hairdressers. Low rent.
So there’s my biggest beauty offenders revealed. But before signing off, a special mention must be given to a special lady who pretty much managed to embrace all 5 of these beauty trends. Hats off to the classy and always elegant Jordan.
